Change of times...and a Name

Posted by Ressa Delp | Posted on 1:32 AM

Well... Planning a wedding is crazy! And its done!!!! I'm happily married now for just over 3 weeks!!! Its fantastic. Tomorrow (later today) I get to call and book our honeymoon in Vegas. I've only been to the Airport there, so 2 days, no kids, sounds fantastic!!!!

Anyways... While being married is great, the worries of daily life is wearing on me. Plus the weather change is not helping. I've been so depressed the last 2 weeks. Worried on how to pay bills, how to keep everything going that needs be going. Trying to find work, and going on a ton of interviews, but no job. Trying to get adjusted to all the stuff I need to do and do it well. So far, I give myself an "F" on it.

I am always harder on myself more than others. But everything is just getting to me. I cannot seem to snap out  of this funk. I'm despeartly unhappy about not working. I'm worried all the time that we will not have a home to live in (slightly behind on rent, but the owner is okay with it and letting us work on it). I'm worried that we will never have more than what we do now. My car is old and needs some major tlc, but no funds for that. My son was accepted into the Youth leadership national forum on national defence. and they need $1600 and change for him to go. Oh and they want that by Dec 14. But we dont have the $. Christmas is coming up, my sons 17th birthday. and the list goes on.

I cannot sleep very well... its hard for me to go to sleep. I'm good once i get there.. i sleep for hours on end. I cannot eat. Cant stand the smell of food, or taste. When I do eat i want to throw up. So with that, I made a dr appointment. They can get me in on Wednesday am. We'll see what she says to do.

Such a depressing post... and I dont even post all of it. There are not enough words to describe what I am feeling. And what is worse... I will have the world hardest time telling this to the dr because I worry what she might put me on. And I dont want to be known as the "depressed person". I grew up with them my whole life and I dont want that around my kids and my amazing husband. Ug. Life is so hard and sucks sometimes!!!

Until next time....
xoxo,
R

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