A Day in My Life Going from single mom to married mom is not as easy as it seems!

While cooking me some food to eat tonight, I was thinking about all of the stuff I had to do today and all that I MUST do for the next couple of days and had this thought... How does one get into Reality TV? There is so many shows that are Reality now days. You have Keeping up with the Kardashians, Married to Jonas, Teen Mom to name a few... They have camera crews that follow them everywhere, get paid money, just to show how they live their lives.

So it got me to thinking... So can I get someone with a camera, follow me around and post it on youtube and start making money that way? Probably not. My life is really not that interesting. But its a thought. I do wish I knew how in the world people just think, "Hey I want to be on TV so let me just start by getting cameras in my life... having them film 24/7 and have no privacy and be paid big bucks.

I know you have to be famous already to do it (cept in Teen Mom, then you just have to be a teen and get pregnant  which I was one, but NOBODY had a show back then '95!). Because who would want to see a show biased off the boring, everyday life of a Miss. Nobody? Although I dont think my life is too boring.. I'm so busy all the time so it could not be boring. But I am not jetting off to some fabby island vacation, or to a fabby job in a fabby car. I have an '03 honda civic that needs some TLC (I'll get it done when I have extra funds), and no job, never been to an island, much less on vacation. Vacations for me consist of going to an amusement park for the day or driving to the coast of CA.

I will say I do watch KUWTK, and all of their spin-offs... and with that being said, Khole and Lamar was my favorite. I wish they would do more shows cuz Khole totally rocks it and probably is my favorite of the sisters. I call it my train-wreck show... I started watching because nothing else was on, I kept watching it because it was like a train-wreck... you HAVE to see what happens next. Now I have too much time invested, I half feel like I could be a part of the family. lol

Oh well... enough rambling from my day. Until next time....

xoxo,
R

Well... Planning a wedding is crazy! And its done!!!! I'm happily married now for just over 3 weeks!!! Its fantastic. Tomorrow (later today) I get to call and book our honeymoon in Vegas. I've only been to the Airport there, so 2 days, no kids, sounds fantastic!!!!

Anyways... While being married is great, the worries of daily life is wearing on me. Plus the weather change is not helping. I've been so depressed the last 2 weeks. Worried on how to pay bills, how to keep everything going that needs be going. Trying to find work, and going on a ton of interviews, but no job. Trying to get adjusted to all the stuff I need to do and do it well. So far, I give myself an "F" on it.

I am always harder on myself more than others. But everything is just getting to me. I cannot seem to snap out  of this funk. I'm despeartly unhappy about not working. I'm worried all the time that we will not have a home to live in (slightly behind on rent, but the owner is okay with it and letting us work on it). I'm worried that we will never have more than what we do now. My car is old and needs some major tlc, but no funds for that. My son was accepted into the Youth leadership national forum on national defence. and they need $1600 and change for him to go. Oh and they want that by Dec 14. But we dont have the $. Christmas is coming up, my sons 17th birthday. and the list goes on.

I cannot sleep very well... its hard for me to go to sleep. I'm good once i get there.. i sleep for hours on end. I cannot eat. Cant stand the smell of food, or taste. When I do eat i want to throw up. So with that, I made a dr appointment. They can get me in on Wednesday am. We'll see what she says to do.

Such a depressing post... and I dont even post all of it. There are not enough words to describe what I am feeling. And what is worse... I will have the world hardest time telling this to the dr because I worry what she might put me on. And I dont want to be known as the "depressed person". I grew up with them my whole life and I dont want that around my kids and my amazing husband. Ug. Life is so hard and sucks sometimes!!!

Until next time....
xoxo,
R